Life

Hey everyone! So basically this is a short update, and I mean short...ish! So I celebrated my 1 year anniversay with the red cross and I love it just as much as I did on day 1! Also I'll be celebrating my 23rd bday soon, so exciting, Any ideas what i should do??? Hmmm what else....oh ya that supposed soulmate i talked about, ya way wrong he's a jerk! Most guys are although I finally saw the light and am now not attracted to the jerks anymore!!! YAY. 4 months until my contract is up.....Thank you lord! I can't wait to be out of here! I mean really who screams at the top of lungs over a movie?? oh ya that's right my roommates do! Also still no progress with the pants, maybe I should freak them out and not wear a shirt haha! Well thats all I can think of to say!

New apartment and other junk!

So I moved in to a new apartment this past weekend and I love it!! It's super close to work and my friends.....well most of them! I'll post pictures later of it but it's pretty simple for the most part.

So as I sat at work today doing basically nothing I began to ponder to myself about many things. Mostly my life and where I'm headed with it. I realized that I need to do a lot of forgiving even if I don't want to I need to. I also thought about what I wanted out of life and if I was making the right choices to get there, and I think I'm on the right track now. I should probably thank my wonderful friends for that, they seem to always be my light at the end of the tunnel.

So I decided to make a list of the things I want:
1. I want to start school sometime this year.
2. I want to forgive the people who have wronged me and move past all the anger in my life.
3. I want to find my soul mate. Someone who is sweet and understanding and patient with my through my healing. (I kind of think I found him)
4. Well usually after you meet the right guy you want to get married so that would be next.
5. Graduate from college.
6. Have a family.

I don't think that's too much to ask really! I've been praying about it and I keep getting the same feelings about certain things, so I'm not giving up on them!

So keep your fingers crossed for me!!

RANT #2

Ok so this post is going to be part Rant, part update!

Update:
I spent Tuesday and Wednsday night in the ER, 2 different ones at that.
So Tuesday night I'm at my friends apartment laughing and having a good time when all of a sudden my chest was throbbing. I hit the ground and tensed into a ball, coughing up junk, and trying to hold back tears. My friend finally convinced me to go to the ER. Before leaving his apartment his roomate gave me a blessing (THANKS WINSTON!!!) It was very much needed and very helpful.
We made it to the ER where the nurses weren't taking me very seriously....GRRR!!!
They drew blood and left without hooking me up to the heart monitor, or bp cuff, or anything. Eventually someo tech comes in and flushes my IV and gives me Toradol, some kind of non narcotic pain med that is like motrin on steroids...first off I'M IN KILLER PAIN GIVE ME ACTUAL PAIN MEDS!!!
After waiting over an hour and calling the nurse to tell her it hurts to breath i was finally put in the heart monitor. My pulse was everywhere my BP was dropping, correct me if i'm wrong but that's NOT good!!
I was finally taken to CT because there was evidence I had a blood clot....A BLOOD CLOT!!!! You don't make people wait with blood clots! When I returned to my room and got hooked up again I started to feel really tired and light headed, at that same moment my heart monitor went nuts, my pulse dropped under 30!!! UM HELLO HELP ME!!! It finally stopped beeping on it's own, only to go off 15 minutes later saying my pulse was 220! I was crying in pain and when a nurse finally walked by she simply restarted the machine without asking how I was! Not 10 minutes later it was doing it again, and again no help came. After another 15 minutes the doctor came in to say they couldn't see a blood clot and that I was going home! Excuse me, I was in Thacycardia, my Oxygen level was 83 my bp was 90/46, I'm pretty sure i wasn't suppose to be leaving!!!!
He gave me ibprophen for the pain and sent me on my way, telling me to come back if it got worse.

Wenseday rolls around and i'm still hurting, I braved it and went to work. After work my chest started spasming, so back to the hospital we went, but this time we went to a better one.
I was Immediatly taken back to a room where 3 nurses a tech and a doctor where busy working on me (now that's service!) They ran similar tests and gave me Morphine, which only made it worse. They said I was ok, no perfect but ok. They gave me a shot of Diladid and i left, i felt much better. I was so stoned from the drugs that everything made me laugh, and I apologize now for anything I made of said to people! :)

Today I'm feeling much better! Next time I know to go to AF hospital the first time.

RANT....well more ranting:
OK seriously who makes smoothies at 11pm??? When others are trying to sleep in the next room! And who wakes up at 8am and bangs dishes around???? THIS IS RETARDED!!
Also is it really necessary to gossip about everyone?? Maybe it's just the fact that I'm not like most girls, maybe it's the fact that I like everyone regardless of who they are or what they do. But I'm sick of hearing about So and So dating What's his face and how they are so wrong for each other....GET OVER IT!!! If they are happy who cares, we aren't 16 anymore!!!

Also why on earth would you say something you don't mean??? Why on earth would you make promises you don't intend to keep??? THAT'S CALLED LYING!!! I hate liars more then anything! Plus why are people still playing the game of guessing how someone feels about them? Here's an idea go tell them, if they don't feel the same way screw them, their loss and MOVE ON!!! We aren't in High School anymore, so grow up!

On a happier note, I LOVE orange lollipops. I got like 6 from the hospital last night and they were yummy! I think I should buy a bag of them and hide them in my room!!!

Finally I just want to thanks my friends for being amazing, especially those who came to the hospital.....YOU ALL ROCK!!!!

That's all the time I have for Ranting, I'll post some more later!!!

Quick Update

Is it just me or does it look like something is with me in this picture?

So it's been almost 2 months since my last post, and what a crazy 2 months it's been. I made it through Christmas and rang in the New Year as best as I could while still dealing with sadness and pain. My family was amazing through it all, and they still are truly amazing to continue to stand beside me. January brought more pain when I found out the DA's office wasn't going to take my case to trial, I guess it's ok for rapists to walk free these days! After dealing with the emotional pain that brought I got a slight break (literally) from the emotional rollercoaster when I broke my arm while slipping on ice. I missed 2 weeks of work for that, but now I'm back to work and moving on with my life as best as I can. I'm moving to Orem to be closer to work and some of my incredible friends who have helped me through a lot of my issues. I feel very blessed for the people in my life right now, (mostly my boys!) they have helped me realize that I don't have to go through this all on my own!

So that's been my life the last 2 months, although I did forget my wonderful photo shoot with Jess. That was a great day, she wanted to get pictures of me after my horrible trial in December and show that i'm still strong and I think she did amazing! Above are some of my favorites!

The Teal Ribbon

We all know that the Pink Ribbon is for Breast Cancer, and that Yellow is for the Troops, but do we know the other meanings of certain ribbons? Did you know Yellow is also for suicide prevention and awarness, Green is for Bi-Polar and Grey is for mental illness? Or the Black and Red are murder victim ribbons? Of course not, these are things that in society aren't accepted. They have a stigma!

Well I'm here to talk about one of the causes associated with the Teal Ribbon, and that is rape!

Utah has the has one of the highest report rape records in the country, it actually exceeds the National average. What's even sadder is roughly 82% of rapes don't get reported in Utah do to how conservative we are! Think about how many more that would be if ever single one was reported to law enforcement? Also 80% to 90% of SURVIVORS (we are not victims we survived and for that we are survivors) know their attacker! What is this world coming to?

No one deserves or asks for rape or sexual assualt, no one invites the attacker to do it, and no matter what anyone thinks no one did anything to ask for it. Just because a shirt maybe slightly low cut doesn't mean rip it off, just beacause someone is making a joke doesn't mean please beat me up and steal my innocence!

December 20th 2010 will always haunt some part of my mind, it was that night that i joined that percentage of women who had to endure that pain. It was that night that somewhere deep down i had courage to stand up to my attacker and report it, and it was that night that my soul died!

Honestly i think murder should be a charge that goes along with rape even if you didn't physically die, you do mentally and emotionally. You're soul is taken and your spirit crushed.

I'm repeatedly told i'm a strong women for reporting it and that i'm couragous, but let me tell you I feel ashamed and guilty, 2 emotions i'm told are very normal to feel after something like this.

I spent roughly 6 terrifing hours in the hospital/clinic, the detective on my case was amazing, he was vey patient and kind and explained everything to me. Members of the rape crisis team also showed up around 4am and offered help and support. After everything was finally documented and tests done i was able to go home. I had to leave my cloths behind, luckily the crisis team comes prepared with new clean ones.

I've spent this last week wondering if I did the right thing in reporting it, and i know i did, but part of me wishes I kept it my secret. I realize now the pain i'd cause myself if I did that.

I'm writing this not to get sympathy but to raise awarness, if you or someone you love has been through this get them help. Don't let Rape be your secret don't let it tear you down!

And trust me there is all sorts of support out there, people will be behind you no matter what!

Remember you're a SURVIVOR and lived through the worst of it and although it'll still hurt you can make it through anything that comes your way.

April is Rape awarness month, it's also my birth month, I plan to proudly wear my teal ribbon to show the world I overcame this trial to show the world i survived and to remind myself that i'm strong. Will you also be wearing a teal ribbon? I challenge you to! No one should have to live through this alone, let people know you support them let the world know that NO ONE can get away with rape.

New addition to the Family!

This is Zoe, and golden lab/ Australian Shepherd mix! She is Josh and Amber's puppy and better known as my NIECE!!! I love her to death and enjoy the time i get to watch her and play with her!

Wedding Bliss!!!

Amber's grandma, her mom Debbie, Amber, Josh, My mom Grace Lyn, and My dad Don!

I have a Sister now!!!! Don't mind the scrubs i came straight from work!

Her Ring!

His Ring!

You may now kiss the bride!



On July 2nd my brother Josh and his fiance decided to tie the knot! I'm so happy for him, It's always wonderful seeing him happy. I wish Josh and Amber the very best in life and many wonderful years together!